Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
If the email is registered with our site, you will receive an email with instructions to reset your password. Password reset link sent to:
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service

The Proverbial Onion And The Cocoon  

Drinkurwater 42F
20 posts
4/17/2019 9:26 am
The Proverbial Onion And The Cocoon


Greetings, fellow perverts! It's been a minute hasn't it? I - it's actually been about 6 hours, which sets a new record for speed in posts. Let me begin by explaining that depressing and prickly mood I've been in today. Yesterday I took a walk over to the walk-in clinic to address a throbbing and sharp pain that reached from my temple to my collarbone. It had been merely a dull bothersome ache the previous day, and I suspected an infection in my tooth or ear but knew it could have also been a bit of lunch stuck in my molar, which desperately (and literally) aches to be removed. Alas, finding a dentist and beginning the long road to emotional and physical reparations with my mouth in this new city is low on my priorities.

The doctor visit was quick and painless (for him!), resulting in a strong antibiotic and a few Vicodin. Ah, Vicodin - you pesky white pills that tease me with the feeling of normalcy for 4-6 hours! See, I have fibromyalgia (a neurological pain disorder I guess would be the description) and a couple deteriorating discs in my spine. Add in some arthritis and you have a very geriatric 30-something who wants to achieve everything in the world, but settles to achieve minor daily tasks. It's taken a few years to accept this, and to feel a day or two of "normal" is like heaven. The toothache subsiding, I embarked on a thorough and hurried cleaning spree in my boyfriend's house. Many loads of laundry, vacuuming, and general chores later, I was sleepless but exhausted.

News that my estranged husband was going to move back into OUR place with his ridiculously sociopathic ex was eating at me despite knowing I'm in a much better and healthier situation. I hate getting punched in the face by her partner as much as the next girl, but apparently his ex didn't get that memo. May her second chance be her last mistake and although my distaste for her exceeds any Fujita or Richter scale, I don't wish domestic abuse upon anybody. Even still, I feel hurt and violated knowing they will enjoy rooms and views and shitty damaged energy that I used to share with someone I thought was the last love of my life.

So I felt a little down, and a little cranky. I glared at my boyfriend while he slept, I glared at the window while the sun came up, I glared at myself in the mirror after my shower. After much glaring and overbearing staring, I was able to snap out of it when my adorable 20-something man woke up to get ready for his tattoo appointment. His excitement and happiness shoved itself into my grumpy aura, and within two minutes I felt back to myself.

It's not noon, but slowly things seem to be finding themselves a place in my mind, organizing their importance and making room for little bits of relief. A small loan to help with gas to the funeral, a who thinks she's still a puppy slamming herself into my lap, and a gas station cappuccino are all marks in the Win column for today. Positivity breeds positivity (and sometimes babies, God forbid) so I'll continue to keep my head up and cling onto that contentedness I am surrounded with.

Each layer of problems and blessings I have this month seem to be wrapping me in the experiences of life. Instead of an onion, peeling back its layers to reveal the soul of the bulb, maybe I'm in the middle of a change. Not so much a butterfly, but maybe something a but duller - a moth. Not a big beautiful one like a Luna moth... just the ones you might find on a back porch evening, blindly butting their heads against the wooden siding. That's me today - Blind Content Moth.

mc_justmc 63M

4/18/2019 7:02 am

My Ex had fibromyalgia and deteriorating bones around her discs in her lower back. The fibro was treated with beta blockers. She tried 2 steroid shots in her lower back which I knew couldn't help deteriorating bones, and after they wasted time on that, her insurance ran out and surgery wasn't possible. They ended up treating that with, of course, oxycontin.


Drinkurwater replies on 4/18/2019 9:15 pm:
This sounds like my worst fear! I'm grateful to have medical coverage and options through my tribe, but I'm hoping to hold off a few more years as far as surgery. My knees and back are wicked ruthless with the weather changes but I just tell myself I'm grateful I have knees and a back. I've already got a vice, so I'm wary of painkillers as a treatment for my diagnoses.

backpocket13 50M
9007 posts
4/19/2019 2:25 pm

Hey Darlin,
..........Always Remember,.......It’s all the little things that matter most,.........The little things,........That and Don’t eat the yellow snow is about the best advice that I can give You today,.........Hold Steady,.........
Sinfully Yours, backpocket13


Become a member to create a blog