A Week Of Layers  

Drinkurwater 37F
24 posts
4/17/2019 3:11 am
A Week Of Layers


There is a lot going on, as usual. A lot, and still so little -- but somehow here I am with no status change in general. I have come to the conclusion that I've become both happier and more distressed. As far as relationships go I'm in the category of those you find quite annoying in their contentedness. I'm content. It's good. It's not too good, and it's not just good. Nothing quite new so I'll contentedly skip this part besides mentioning that my list of acquaintances has pared itself down significantly as each day I list "is a prick" after a guy tries to convince me to be unfaithful as "our little secret." Men, get your shit together and stop trying to get me to sleep with you when you know full well I'm in a monogamous relationship. It is disgusting.

The distress is moreso in my other facets of life. I've hit a plateau with my recovery, I was evicted this week and need my items gone from the place by Friday, I'm still flat broke and still looking for a job, I have no place to live nor any prospect in the near future, I'm attending a funeral on Thursday for a childhood friend, and I have no vehicle or money to transport or store my furniture or childrens' things.

These situations are hard on a soul just by themselves, but combined I am overwhelmed and ... distressed. So very distressed, so distressed that I'm basically numb. On top of this, I hear my estranged husband is planning on moving back into my newly evicted house with his girlfriend (who he was with for a few years prior to meeting and marrying me) who is as manipulative and terrible as he is. Life cannot get any stranger nor fucked up as it happens to me.

A bit of a strain on the optimism, but I am still content. I have people around me who strive to make others happy, to make the world a bit better, to live quiet and beautiful lives. This is where I should be and where I am - if only I weren't the one bursting onto this idyllic scene with my plethora of problems to disturb them all. It makes me feel like maybe I should quietly back out of the room and find my own tiny dark space to fuck up instead of this one. No - I am content ... a very forced and steadily headstrong content, whether I want to or not. There is no way I should be anything else, lest I upset this little microcosm of hope in this new town, right?

HAMONMAN 59M
6877 posts
4/17/2019 3:39 am

"I'm in the category of those you find quite annoying in their contentedness"

I wanna be one of those annoying people too.


Drinkurwater replies on 4/17/2019 8:27 am:
It's very satisfying although I'm still getting used to the requirements and habits of another person in my very small circle. Whether it works out or not, I'll never regret meeting such a tender and pure soul as him.

txslowpoke 66M  
2424 posts
4/17/2019 5:11 am

hmm was evicted, no vehicle, no money...... an where is this man that your in relationship with ????? doesnt sound like he is to concerned to let you be like this


Drinkurwater replies on 4/17/2019 8:24 am:
Thank you for replying, txslowpoke. An excellent question to be sure if all the details haven't been explained, which they weren't. I'm currently staying with my boyfriend and his roommate while I find a solution to the housing situation. He's provided me a place as well as provisions (food, smokes, a pet to love) for as long as I like.

Fortunately for all of us, I prefer to be independent and am actively working on all my problems... it sure doesn't mean I am feeling quite upbeat at the moment. I continue to look for the better moments throughout the day (the sunset last night was amazing, and I look forward to watching him get a new tattoo at lunchtime).

Best,
R.

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