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Because I Can
 
For Your Entertainment
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
I need some help.
Posted:Jan 26, 2010 12:43 am
Last Updated:Feb 3, 2010 12:24 am
10469 Views

Here it is the New Year, and I find that my creative juices have dried and shriveled in this draining obscene heatwave.

Even sitting here in front of the computer half naked is of no help. No I will Not Cam.

The poor old aircon is huffing and puffing, trying it's best to cool me down.

Sitting here sweating ones arse or tits off is no fun.

So I am calling out to my friends to help me out. Put your thinking caps on (too hot here for caps).

Had a recent disaster trying to jazz up a blog with a picture, not going into it, too embarrassing.

Managed with help from Sis to add some nice blue roses to main page, but there is still something missing.

Tried to add colour, but being a Standard Member, it wouldn't let me.

I need a name for my Blog.

"My Blog". How boring is that?

Do you know how many "My Blogs" there are out there????
Neither do I. But there are 1000's. Ok maybe 100's.

I need your help to be creative for me.

Please do not be offended if your name is not chosen. I'm sure I will love them all.

This is your mission, should you choose to accept it.

11 Comments
Can't help myself, one more.
Posted:Jan 25, 2010 3:25 am
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2010 10:50 pm
10277 Views

Paddy and his missus are lying in bed listening to the next door
neighbor's barking. It had been barking for hours and hours.

Suddenly Paddy jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of dis".
He goes downstairs.

Paddy finally comes back up to bed and his wife says, "The is
still
barking. What have you been doing?"

Paddy says "I've put the in our yard. See how THEY like it !"
12 Comments
Another Irish Joke.. Sorry
Posted:Jan 22, 2010 3:57 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2010 10:49 pm
9990 Views

Mick and Paddy were walking home from the pub.

Mick says to Paddy, 'I can't be bothered to walk all that way.'

'I know,' says Paddy, 'but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.'

'We could steal a bus from the depot,' Mick suggests.

They arrive at the bus depot and Mick tells Paddy to go in and get a bus while he keeps a look-out.

After shuffling around for ages, Mick shouts, 'Paddy, what are you doing? Have you not found one yet?'

Paddy shouts back, 'I can't find a No. 91'

'Oh Jesus Christ, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout!'
11 Comments
You want WHAT....?
Posted:Jan 9, 2010 5:09 pm
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2010 1:08 pm
10993 Views
Are you feeling lucky?

16 Comments
Grey Matter
Posted:Jan 9, 2010 4:54 pm
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2010 3:47 pm
10228 Views
A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD:






…………………,




I forgot what it was....




Shit ...
14 Comments
The Cursed Cursor
Posted:Jan 7, 2010 2:27 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2010 1:35 pm
10414 Views

I am here today to warn you all about the 'Floating Cursor.'
You might not know about this sneaky thing. It does things without you even knowing.

Yesterday after catching up on all the goss here, thought I would have a look at 'Who's been having a perv' at me.

Lucky me. There were quite a few pages of you guys. Made me feel special....violins please.

As well as some new ones, there were the repeat pervers, Thank You.

Well, I picked on one of them and sent him an email asking if indeed he was checking me out two sometimes three times a week.
And surprise surprise, he knew nothing about it.

Yes, it was that 'Cursed Cursor' at work.
How many of you know, that if your cursor passes over a photo, it shows up as you viewing that persons profile?

Makes me wonder, if those sneaky site people also program a loop of people to keep showing up, even if they have only looked at your profile Once.

And there I was feeling special.
16 Comments
Tiny One
Posted:Jan 4, 2010 3:32 pm
Last Updated:Feb 8, 2010 11:31 pm
10757 Views

"Nurses aren't supposed to laugh..."
'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse.. I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'

'Okay then,' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen..
Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling.
'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'

'Why is it so swollen ?,' Fred replied.

She ran out of the room.
22 Comments
Un........Happy New Year
Posted:Dec 31, 2009 3:54 pm
Last Updated:Jan 8, 2010 8:24 pm
10375 Views

'TWAS THE MONTH AFTER CHRISTMAS

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The biscuits I'd nibble, the champagne I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my partner's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend all Summer disguised as a man!"

So-away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
'Til all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a biscuit - not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot scones, or cake, or fruit pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to laugh, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
13 Comments
The Santa hats are gone
Posted:Dec 26, 2009 4:29 pm
Last Updated:Jan 1, 2010 2:02 am
11185 Views

Yes, I was wearing two hats. One with the white wig, and the other saying that I had been good.

I had submitted the photo only to be told that it had not been accepted, due to the possibility that the photo might not have been of myself, and that it had explicit contents.

I thought the message had been sent as a joke, so re submitted the photo, where a short time later I got the same reply.

I sent them a message saying that it was indeed a photo of me taken in my lounge room a couple of hours prior.
Also seeing as how I was fully clothed, how could they possibly class the photo as being of an explicit nature?

Have they been reading things on the site in braille? They must be blind to have not seen some of the Explicit photos on here.

Maybe they missed a word out by saying it had No explicit content.

My cat was asleep on the lounge chair, so was not in the photo.
I did not have any small sitting on my lap, so they finally agreed to allow the photo to be displayed.

What will they say when I bring the bunny ears out?
After all, rabbits Are animals.



20 Comments
Another Christmas Wish
Posted:Dec 23, 2009 1:23 pm
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2011 10:47 am
11013 Views

Here it is almost Christmas Day
And I would like to say
A Merry Christmas to my new friends
I've met along the way

We may never get to meet
Or share a hug or two
But warmest wishes from my heart
Go round the world to YOU

19 Comments
So angry, I could fucking swear.
Posted:Dec 14, 2009 12:42 am
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2009 12:57 am
11397 Views

There, I have sworn online.
I am just so angry, I couldn't help myself.

I had to call into a Government office today. While waiting my turn, I looked around the office, noting that there was something missing.

When it was my turn I sat down, and we smiled at each other. I like smiling. I am usually a happy person, and I knew it wasn't the poor guys fault, and I knew the answer, but I just had to ask...... "Where are the Christmas decorations?"

He started to mumble something, so I just came out and said it..."You arn't allowed to put any up are you?"
He came out with because it was a federal building, they had to be careful with what they put up, incase they upset someone.

WHAT THE FUCK... what about not putting something up and upsetting someone ?????

What country are we living in??? If THEY don't like it, then Fuck off back to their own country.

If I was living in Your country, I would respect Your beliefs....YOU are living in OUR country so respect OUR beliefs.

At the conclusion of our business, I wished the guy a HAPPY CHRISTMAS not once, but twice.

There. Rant over. I know there is a rant section, but I wanted to put it here OK????
24 Comments
Why I was Fired
Posted:Dec 10, 2009 4:24 pm
Last Updated:Dec 17, 2009 2:19 am
11626 Views
For the Annual Company Xmas party, management had decided that because of liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one drink per person...









I was fired for ordering the cups...


24 Comments
Sex Is Good For You
Posted:Dec 1, 2009 1:46 am
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2009 1:02 am
11845 Views

9 Surprising reasons why sex is good for you.
A shorter and slightly amended version.

1. LESS HEART ATTACKS AND STROKES.

Sorry guys, having sex will not cause a heart attack. chances
are about one in a million. Having sex several times a week
may cut your risk in half.

So all you oldies out there....what are you waiting for?

2. LOWERS BLOOD PRESSURE AND STRESS.

Those who have regular sex responded better to stress.

Of cause those of us not getting any, are stressed.
We get stressed wondering if we will ever get any.

3. REDUCES DEPRESSION.

As above. We get depressed cos we ain't getting any.

4. PREVENTS OSTEOPOROSIS.

Men and women who have regular sex have higher testosterone
levels, which is linked to lower the risk of bone problems.

There have been a few blogs lately from men that wake up with
"Boners." So goes to show who is having regular sex.

5. PREVENTS PROSTATE CANCER.

Studies show that men in their 20's who ejaculate about 21
times a month, can reduce their risk of Prostate Cancer by
a third.

You can achieve this by wanking if there is no partner.

Those of you past their 20's can get out a calculator and
work out how many times you have to wank to catch up.

If you are having problems, refer to numbers 3 and 2 for
helpers.

6. RELIEVES HEADACHES.

Sorry ladies. This excuse can no longer be used.
(I have never used this one).

Sex can alleviate headaches by releasing endorphins and other
stuff no one has heard of, so I left them out.

7. IMPROVES SLEEP.

Of cause it improves sleep. What better way to tire yourself
out, than spending hours (or minutes depending on the couples)
having raunchy sex.

Maybe that's why I'm not sleeping.
Note to self...."Need Sex."

8. KEEPS YOU FIT.

30 minutes of vigorous sex=15 minutes on a treadmill.
Hello........no comparison.

9. PREVENTS INCONTINENCE.

Must be the reason so many really old people wear pads.
They aren't having sex.

There you go. We need sex, sex and more sex.

So not to undo all the good reasons to have sex.......
remember to play safe.

23 Comments

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