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My Magazine > Editors Archive > Advice > What’s a Nice Girl Like You…Doing in an Adult Theater?:
What’s a Nice Girl Like You…Doing in an Adult Theater?:   by Lady Bastet

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This is PART 2 of Lady Bastet's informative experiences trolling the adult theaters for randy sex. If you missed Part 1, don't forget to check it out in our archives (under "Sex Secrets.") But for now, here's where we left off:

"My second name is 'the schoolteacher.' I picked up that moniker from one of the staff members I became friendly with at one particular theater. He commented on how I looked 'too nice' to be in such a place on my own and how I sounded more 'refined' (his word, not mine). I told him I worked for a school and he gave me the name 'schoolteacher.' The only way I found this out was because he told his co-workers about me and told them to call him at home whenever 'the schoolteacher' showed up and he wasn’t there.

Yes, I played with him–and his co-workers a few times. And this brings up another important point for you ladies trying to muster the courage to take a walk on the wild side..."

[Lady Bastet's piece is informational, not instructional. Read, enjoy, but do only what you're comfortable doing.]

And now for PART 2:
---
GET TO KNOW THE STAFF:
Everybody loves to get a hook-up, in more ways than one. Once you’ve picked a playground or two, become friends with those behind the counter. Male or female, they’re generally as horny as you are, or if not, they’re pretty friendly because of all of the different characters that come through the door. They’re like bartenders. They’ll listen to you and they have some stories of their own to tell. These people are like you, this is their job, they’re not lepers so don’t look down your nose at them.

Put on your best smile, innocently flash a little flesh and start a conversation. Learn their names and their shifts. If you do this well, you’ll gain a friend who will 1) look out for you and steer you away from people who cause trouble and 2) get free admission in some cases or discounts on purchases.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting you use these people and their friendship in order to get freebies, but it can and does happen. Personally, I like to make friends with the staff because they will “protect” me. They’ll make sure I make it to my car safely or if they see a man try to force himself on me, they’ll step in. It’s not like I can’t take care of myself, but it is nice to know someone has your back. And that is worth more than any comp admission or discount. This leads me to my next topic.

SAFETY
Always park near the entrance or under a light. Many adult spots have security cameras focused on the parking lot; find these and park in their view.

One of the rules I NEVER break is that I NEVER ride in a man’s car. If we are going to take things further off premise, I drive my own car. Not only that, I follow him versus his following me. Call me paranoid, but I’d rather take a note of HIS license plate than the other way around. Plus, it’s easier to ditch a nuisance if you follow.

Once I was leaving a theater and a man I tried to avoid followed me to my car. I wasn’t afraid because I knew "my friend behind the counter" was watching me in the security camera. But the man was persistent. He wasn’t going to leave me alone so I got in my car and said I would follow him to a motel. He got into his car and I followed him onto the freeway. A few miles down the road, we came to a fork in the highway. He went west, I went east and I never saw him again.

Also, if you go to a motel or other location, always park “with the horses headed for home.” Park your car in a way where you DO NOT have to back up. If you need or want to leave in a hurry, you don’t want to waste time trying to reverse.

But leaving the theater with someone is pretty advanced. If that sounds too scary for you, don’t do it. You are in control and you never have to do anything you don’t want.

BUT WHAT IF I GET CAUGHT?

So what? If you run into your minister, boss or co-worker, you can give them the same pained and embarrassed look they give you, or you can play it cool and treat it as an ice breaker. You now have a “partner in crime” of sorts. You both have a secret that would be better if you both kept it.

Let me tell you of the two times I got “caught.” The first time was during an orgy in the back rows of a theater. There were at least a dozen men and women in various stages of the act. I was being felt up by a few men when I recognized a pretty, petite woman staring at me. At first, we looked at each other as if to say, “I’ve seen you somewhere before,” but we didn’t speak. She wasn’t into it as much as I was so we just nodded in acknowledgement and went our separate ways.

I thought nothing of it until a week later when I visited my grandparents and my aunt came by with her best friend…the woman I saw at the theater. Yes, we were embarrassed but we played it off. It didn’t stop me from going back to the theater. Nor did it stop her. I saw her again the following week…with another man.

The second time I hooked up with a man who played with me in a private viewing booth on several occasions and I went to his home a few times. As it turns out, he went to the same church as my grandparents and he knew my family. Once again, we played it cool, but this man was bold enough to try to pick me up in the church reception hall with his wife not 10 feet away.

OTHER HELPFUL HINTS

PERSONAL HYGIENE:

Dear GOD, people keep it CLEAN! I know some people have a kink where dick cheese and cunt cheese play a large part, but generally speaking, you need to be on intimate terms with Mr. Washcloth and Mrs. Soap.

One important thing about all the men I’ve been with is that they are CLEAN. I’ve been pleasantly surprised when about to give a man a blow job and I am greeted with by clean, fresh cock and balls. They may have a rough exterior, but they take care of themselves. I have left men “hard up” because I discovered, too late, that he was “ripe” in more ways than one.

People, if you’re going cruising right after work or clubbing, take time to freshen up. Keep a fresh, moist washcloth with a little mild liquid soap in your car or stop off at a CLEAN restroom and freshen up. Wash your hands, your neck, armpits and your genital areas. But for preference, go home and shower.

The following should be kept on hand or in your car: tissues, moist towelettes, condoms, gum, breath mints. Even an extra damp face towel in a plastic baggie will come in handy. You’ll know when it happens.

TRIM THOSE FINGERNAILS AND KEEP 'EM CLEAN!
It is no fun, ladies when you have a man stroking your kitty and he has claws of his own. It’s even worse if you discover grime under his nails. The results can be very uncomfortable. This happened to me once and if I ever see that man again, I will make him a eunuch.

But ladies, you want to be considerate of the men, too. They don’t need the scratches and scrapes, either…unless they want them. Nevertheless, if things do get out of hand, your fingernails can help gather DNA evidence.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO SAY "NO" -- AND MEAN IT
I have never been roughed up or intimidated on my excursions. Why? Because I know my limits and I stick to them. The men I end up with see this and know “Homey don’t play that.” Yes, I intimidate some men with my manner, but they can find another victim because it won’t be me.

If you know any self-defense moves, use them if necessary. I have yet to use my eye-gouging technique or biting a man’s privates but I’m not afraid to do it if I have to. The reason I have never needed to use them is revealed in my next tip.

STAY SOBER.
This has been the biggest reason for my “success.” I keep my wits about me at all times. Women get into trouble if their mind is fogged with drink and/or drugs and they find themselves in a dangerous situation. Be smart, girlfriend. It’s silly women like these that make it harder for the rest of us.

Here’s a secret: the men you encounter are scared for someone to scream “ !” on them. If you are sober and you have to call for help, when the police come, you will make a more credible witness if you are sober.

NEVER FORGET: YOU ARE IN CONTROL.
The worse-case scenario is you don’t find a playmate of interest and you rent or buy a video and go home to please yourself. Germaine Greer said “No sex is better than bad sex.” Don’t forget the batteries.

All in all, ladies, there is no need for you to feel left out any more. If you follow these tips, you won’t spend the evening alone.

So wake up that inner slut, take her out to dinner and go have some fun!



Lady Bastet is Editor-in-Chief to Logical Lust Publications at www.logical-lust.com and EternallyErotic.com. She is also a proud member of the Erotica Readers and Writers Association (ERWA). She has currently completed editing the BDSM anthology, ETERNAL BONDS and sub-editing the erotic pulp fiction anthology ETERNALLY NOIR. Both anthologies can be found at the Eternally Erotic Bookstore, www.eternallyerotic.com.