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A Decent Guy Can’t Get a Fair Chance Around Here … Ummm, Let’s Think About That  

VenusRedux2 49F
276 posts
12/8/2017 5:30 am
A Decent Guy Can’t Get a Fair Chance Around Here … Ummm, Let’s Think About That





Don’t tell me I can’t judge a book by its cover. That’s what the cover of the book is for, to tell me what’s inside the book and get me interested in reading it.





Too many guys are complaining that they’re not being given a fair chance. They feel that they’re being prejudged based on incomplete and superficial information. They’re just asking to be given a chance to prove themselves.

So let’s analyze this for a minute:

If you have a sleazy username
… and a dick pic
… … and no profile
… … … and you’re not exactly a hot young stud
… … … … and your pick up line is “Interested in a Dom for intense roleplay?”
… … … … … and you’re asking about meeting up 8 lines into the conversation

Give you a chance??? WTF?!? By my calculations, if you got that far into the conversation I gave you no less than SIX chances, and you blew them all!

The fact that all those chances happened in rapid succession doesn’t change the fact that you had your chance … many chances in fact. You’re only deluding yourself when you complain that "You didn’t give me a chance."

Give some thought to the online presentation of yourself, it is what you are being judged on. Whether or not you want or approve of being judged on that criteria is out of your control. That ship has sailed.

It’s no one thing. It is everything. It all counts. They are, individually and collectively, your "chance."

Do you really have a fair approximation as to what it looks like? How you think you’re presenting yourself and how you are really presenting yourself are often far apart … like different planets apart.

Admittedly, a great many things are out of your control. Your age isn’t what it used to be. Your hair stopped coming out of your head and instead started coming out everywhere else. Your weight will improve as soon as that gym membership starts paying dividends (or at least that’s what I keep telling myself, eventually it might even be true). There is nothing you can do about these things.

Here’s the good news though, even with those disadvantages, your competition here is so abysmal that it doesn’t take much to elevate yourselves over those who have those natural advantages.

So improve the things that are in your control. Use them to present yourself in a favorable light. Don’t pretend that these things don’t count towards your "chance."

It starts with your username

I wrote about this extensively in my last post. You can read more about it there, Case Studies in Usernames

What I wanted to add here is that even if you don’t have a great username, the site allows you to change it without starting from scratch. It is found under My Account – Change Username (at the bottom under Manage Account)

You want to be creative and unique. Something that makes you sound interesting. You’d be surprised at how changing one mere word can change the whole tone of the username. It can make it a little edgier, or sophisticated, or humorous. Sometimes a little tweak can make a world of difference.

So try a few things. Keep trying and experimenting until you find something that works and suits you.

Profile Pic

Volumes can be written on this subject. Perhaps one day I’ll get into it in greater detail, but today is not that day.

Keeping it short, the one rule to override all others is this: Women look at pics and instinctively judge it based on "Can I see myself kissing this guy?"

I have a few quick suggestions, take them for what they’re worth:

  • Lighting is important. It should be sharp, the highest resolution the camera allows, and everything in focus. Just keep retaking the shot until it comes out right. The background should be clean (seriously, untidy bathroom pics immediately ruin the kissing mood).

  • Don’t take a pic straight on, a little off to the side is better. Play around with elevation to see what works, sometimes holding the camera a little higher or lower can really add a little something to the shot. A little above can do wonders to smooth out a double chin.

  • A playful smirk is often better than a toothy smile.

  • Dress the part, even if the clothes aren’t revealed in the pic. Trust me, it changes your demeanor and the camera picks up on that


  • I’m picking these suggestions because they are easy to implement, only requiring a few short minutes of time. It is something you can do right now, tonight. Many other suggestions on the subject take more time and effort, whereas these can pay huge dividends almost immediately.

    Profile Itself

    Ick. I hate profiles. I’m not a big fan of them. Most of them are never read, ever. The ones that are read are pure word fluff and BS. They never reveal anything useful.

    However, there is one caveat to that. The profile should match the tone and flavor of how you are presenting yourself. Clever usernames should have clever profiles. Sporty pics should have profiles that reflect an active lifestyle.

    So if your username is HenchmanSidekick, the first line of your profile should NOT read "I like candlelight dinners and long walks on the beach." It simply does not match with the username! This is exactly the kind of word fluff that renders profiles useless.

    It would be more consistent if the first line read "World domination is kind of my thing." That one line, by itself, would make a vastly better impression than pages and pages of generic "love to travel" ever will.

    Special sidenote, one sentence of this is cute. Six paragraphs is a major turn off. It is like salt, a little seasons the dish perfectly, where a lot ruins the meal.

    I strongly recommend ditching "informative" stuff and instead focusing in on something that might make me laugh. The informative stuff will naturally come out in time. Making me laugh buys you that time.

    Opening Line

    Not much to say about this either. There’s no need to be overly creative. Most guys blow it by saying too much, usually something that is flirty in their minds but is sleazy to the rest of civilized society.

    I don’t give a damn what this site is here for, this is NOT the time to be throwing out your sexual interests to see if we’re compatible. We’ll get to that, I promise. But when you throw it out there in the opening line you come across as a tourettic sex addict.

    Open up with "Hi," and be prepared with more when she responds back. Have a mental map of how you’d like to guide the conversation. Don’t try to find ways of doing all of that in one opening sentence or email. I’ve written at length about how to guide a conversation in the opening rounds in other posts if you need more detail.

    I often use the words like "clever" and "unique" … but this is the one place I wouldn’t recommend it. No matter how good it is, any opening line that sounds rehearsed with get you precisely nowhere. The only time you should be getting cute and clever is if it something that is clearly unique to her (perhaps a reference to her username). Don’t pass up that chance when it comes, but those chances will be few and far between. In the meantime, you should be sticking with a simple pleasantries.

    Whether it is fair or not, you are a book that will be judged by your cover. So take some time to make that cover such that it draws me in. Have a clever username, match it with a profile that presents a favorable tone, and have a pic that women respond favorably to. By doing these things, you won’t be squandering the few chances you’re given.



    Januaryman99 55M  
    327 posts
    3/5/2018 11:54 pm

    I can't even begin to explain how much I love this blog of yours. I don't know, maybe because it seems so delightfully angry at me. I get everything out of A.F.F. I could ever expect - entertainment, mostly - so, I'm not one of those guys complaining about not getting a fair chance. Still, I feel totally boxed into a corner. Check-mated, good and proper. And I've never felt so alive.

    Plus, this line just made me choke and spit up coffee:

    "Here’s the good news though, even with those disadvantages, your competition here is so abysmal. . .



    Stop by my BLOG => Januaryman99


    VenusRedux2 replies on 3/9/2018 2:36 pm:
    Glad I could help .... I think

    bloody_angel1 40M
    120 posts
    12/9/2017 1:23 pm

      Quoting rdy2try4:
      As that is ALL you have in your profile, there is nothing about you and what you like or who you are, that is why I said it is a failure. I get that you don't want the gay men approaching you, but you have something about being curious of having a dick in your status line. Also, again I get you put that there so as to cut down the men hitting on you, but that is ALL you have!! You need a profile of some sort not just the men go away line. Yes, this is exactly how the women feel when we get bombarded by unwanted preferences. You may want to change that status line if you really are not looking for men.

      I said the photos not the videos are usually on fake profiles. I didn't mention videos at all. As for the 8 inch thing, all our lives we have been told 6 is 8. lol Both sexes have been brainwashed into that not just one or the other. The reason those groups are popular is from people watching. Because people watch it doesn't mean they are getting it or want it. Sometimes they like watching the fantasy of it all.
    Fair enough on the first part. I should add more if I want to attract interest from women as well.

    And when I said my activity feed is full of white women with black men, I was specifically talking about videos, not pictures. So you didn't mention videos, but I was mentioning videos not pictures, though there is some of that as well. But like I said, I can tell that most of those videos are not porn videos, though I have seen a few of those as well.

    And when you say that group WhiteWomenWhoCraveBlackMen is popular from people watching, how do you watch a group? And how do you explain all the white women who are members of the group? Just there to watch posts? If they are watching posts, then surely they have some interest in the posts or what the group is actually for, otherwise, those white women wouldn't have joined the group.


    rdy2try4 58F  
    3330 posts
    12/9/2017 4:59 am

      Quoting bloody_angel1:
      I put that there because I get so many men asking me if they can suck my dick, or rim my ass for hours. But even with that there, first thing, they still message me asking to do those things to me, so I can kind of understand how it feels to be a woman getting messages from men if that isn't what they are looking for.

      And as far as the videos on this site, some I recognize as being porn videos, but the majority are home videos so to say. And you say that most women don't want big dicks, but yet like I said, I see so many women having sex with black men on this site, or stating in their profile BBC only, or 8"+ only. Hell, look at the most popular member groups on the front page, number 3 is WhiteWomenWhoCraveBlackMen. You can't deny that what I'm saying is true, or that that group is porn actors or fakes as I highly doubt that is even possible.

      And yeah, maybe I have a defeatist attitude when it comes to Horny.net, but when I have had 0 success in years on this site (which I rarely use), it's hard to be positive. If you have any actual suggestions on how to improve my profile, please, by all means, send me a message, I'd be glad to listen.
    As that is ALL you have in your profile, there is nothing about you and what you like or who you are, that is why I said it is a failure. I get that you don't want the gay men approaching you, but you have something about being curious of having a dick in your status line. Also, again I get you put that there so as to cut down the men hitting on you, but that is ALL you have!! You need a profile of some sort not just the men go away line. Yes, this is exactly how the women feel when we get bombarded by unwanted preferences. You may want to change that status line if you really are not looking for men.

    I said the photos not the videos are usually on fake profiles. I didn't mention videos at all. As for the 8 inch thing, all our lives we have been told 6 is 8. lol Both sexes have been brainwashed into that not just one or the other. The reason those groups are popular is from people watching. Because people watch it doesn't mean they are getting it or want it. Sometimes they like watching the fantasy of it all.


    bloody_angel1 40M
    120 posts
    12/8/2017 9:10 pm

      Quoting rdy2try4:
      Bloody_angel1... your profile?? This is the entirety of your profile:

      Introduction
      I have no interest in men sucking my dick, or vice versa, or topping men, that's not what I'm looking for.

      I can honestly say you will not get far with that at all. I don't think anyone I know would reply to or try to contact that profile. Sorry, but you seriously need to work on this.
    I put that there because I get so many men asking me if they can suck my dick, or rim my ass for hours. But even with that there, first thing, they still message me asking to do those things to me, so I can kind of understand how it feels to be a woman getting messages from men if that isn't what they are looking for.

    And as far as the videos on this site, some I recognize as being porn videos, but the majority are home videos so to say. And you say that most women don't want big dicks, but yet like I said, I see so many women having sex with black men on this site, or stating in their profile BBC only, or 8"+ only. Hell, look at the most popular member groups on the front page, number 3 is WhiteWomenWhoCraveBlackMen. You can't deny that what I'm saying is true, or that that group is porn actors or fakes as I highly doubt that is even possible.

    And yeah, maybe I have a defeatist attitude when it comes to Horny.net, but when I have had 0 success in years on this site (which I rarely use), it's hard to be positive. If you have any actual suggestions on how to improve my profile, please, by all means, send me a message, I'd be glad to listen.


    VenusRedux2 replies on 12/12/2017 6:57 am:
    I've written volumes on how to be successful, including concrete examples of conversations that have been successful. Did you read any of my previous stuff?

    rdy2try4 58F  
    3330 posts
    12/8/2017 8:55 pm

    Bloody_angel1... your profile?? This is the entirety of your profile:

    Introduction
    I have no interest in men sucking my dick, or vice versa, or topping men, that's not what I'm looking for.

    I can honestly say you will not get far with that at all. I don't think anyone I know would reply to or try to contact that profile. Sorry, but you seriously need to work on this.


    rdy2try4 58F  
    3330 posts
    12/8/2017 8:46 pm

      Quoting bloody_angel1:
      My members activity feed is full of white women sucking and fucking black men, more so than any other racial combination. The proof is in the pudding. And even if that weren't true, I'd need gold membership to even have any chance at success since that's the only way to talk to women on this site. And even then, they are swarming with messages, so the tiny chance I'd have at success got even smaller because with all the messages women get on this site, what are the odds of her reading mine, and being interested in me, when there's plenty of better looking guys with bigger dicks.
    May I suggest you do a photo search online to see if those are porn photos or not?? Tineye and G00gle do image searches and most of the time those photos are fakes. Follow that by a good number of those profiles ARE fakes and are men posing as women to get laid and to get free gold memberships so they can see photos and cams.

    Honestly, I agree with the poster, men seem to have this freaking hang up that you believe seriously that women just want big dicks. WRONG!! Unfortunately, no matter how much we tell you that you will believe what you wish to. It is a scientific and medical fact that less than 1% of men are over the average penis size of 6 inches and believe it or not 70% of women DO NOT ORGASM from penetration. The majority of our nerve endings are in the clitoris and NOT inside the vagina. In fact, the vagina is a dead organ after the first 2 or so inches meaning there are NO nerve endings. That is so that when she gives birth she doesn't die of pain!!! 70% of women will not climax unless extra attention is given someplace OTHER than ramming things in her vagina. I am a medical transcriptionist and I type these reports all the time.

    Also, no matter what your dick looks like, if you ARE a dick we don't care. You seem to have a defeatist attitude and already are set to fail. That doesn't help you at all either. Low self esteem is an instant turn off. Most women do not do pity f*cks. The site only works if YOU work the site.


    bloody_angel1 40M
    120 posts
    12/8/2017 3:32 pm

      Quoting  :

    It must suck to be a mudshark, much like yourself, I imagine.


    bloody_angel1 40M
    120 posts
    12/8/2017 3:22 pm

      Quoting bloody_angel1:
      Seems like the only way to get laid on this site is to either be a black man, or have 8"+ down below.
    My members activity feed is full of white women sucking and fucking black men, more so than any other racial combination. The proof is in the pudding. And even if that weren't true, I'd need gold membership to even have any chance at success since that's the only way to talk to women on this site. And even then, they are swarming with messages, so the tiny chance I'd have at success got even smaller because with all the messages women get on this site, what are the odds of her reading mine, and being interested in me, when there's plenty of better looking guys with bigger dicks.


    bloody_angel1 40M
    120 posts
    12/8/2017 1:56 pm

    Seems like the only way to get laid on this site is to either be a black man, or have 8"+ down below.


    VenusRedux2 replies on 12/8/2017 2:23 pm:
    Apparently you have not read a single thing that I wrote. I'm telling you what works without needing to resort to racist stereotypes.

    I actually tried the crap I write about. I created a male profile to see how hard it really is to talk to women here. I gave myself ever disadvantage I could think of -- no pic, no profile, married and cheating. I was talking to more women than I could keep up with. I had to shut it down when I could no longer come up with excuses why I couldn't actually meet in person.

    But forget all that. Just continue thinking that clownishly large genitalia is the only way a guy can get laid.

    s2ndegree 65M
    9800 posts
    12/8/2017 12:05 pm

    Is it possible to teach common sense? It's commendable of you to make the time and effort to teach them.Even if you succeed,your teaching certainly won't end there.

    Using more than all the road!


    VenusRedux2 replies on 12/8/2017 2:25 pm:
    Even if no one listens, or even reads any of this, I happen to know this stuff works, so I know I've done my part.

    Wok2016 42M  
    599 posts
    12/8/2017 11:54 am

    Admittedly, I wasn't sure how much detail to put into a profile. I have gone into some and there is nothing but age and height, and others at the other extreme with life stories and very specific requests.

    I tried to be short and concise, and let the profile pic attract anyone that wanted to start a conversation that may or may not go further than that. Perhaps that was the wrong approach. Anything else you would like to see in my profile that isn't currently there.

    *mostly non-fetish, vanilla-adjacent interests


    VenusRedux2 replies on 12/8/2017 2:40 pm:
    I seriously question the value of profiles here. Even if you gave me a hundred examples of women who swear by all that is holy that profiles matter to them, that's not enough to offset the thousands that just never even bother to look at them.

    A good profile will only give you a trivial advantage over a mediocre one. You don't really see the benefits until you reach the category of GREAT profile. My opinion: too much effort that could be better spent elsewhere.

    That Introduction Title of your profile is really the key, since that displays under your name on IM. That shows up even for Basic members who can't view profiles (like me). If that is consistent with your username, that presents a nice uniform package that will garner attention.

    I can't see your profile, so hard to be more specific than that.

    Do you cook? On a wok? WokNinja or WokZen or WokGuru might make for simple username changes that will all bit more pop ... anything other than Wok + numbers or WokGuy/WokDude. Don't know, until right now I never tried to come up with a creative username incorporating the cooking style of woks, that's a bit of a challenge.

    haveabig14ya 54M
    53 posts
    12/8/2017 11:42 am

    For some reason a large number of guys think this a free online chat and hooker site. Rather than site were you can meet folks who have a more progressive ideas about how to express their sexuality....


    VenusRedux2 replies on 12/8/2017 2:43 pm:
    Credit where credit is due, I do come across a lot of decent guys on the site. My issue with them is that they're boring beyond words.

    Very few manage to get that perfect blend of fun and flirty without falling to an extreme of either dull (on the safe side) or sleazy (on the over-the-top side)

    Brownie202 67F  
    2680 posts
    12/8/2017 10:50 am

    Agree with the user names. HUGE turn off if have wellhung or 9inchdick etc. That and or a naked picture will get no answer from me. Or else one he wilk not like.

    Humans are the most dangerous animals on earth.

    If only animals had the ability to know when to keep away from us humans they would be better off.


    VenusRedux2 replies on 12/8/2017 2:58 pm:
    Few men realize the extent to which their username is holding them back.

    notsure1949 74M
    10657 posts
    12/8/2017 9:58 am

    oh well, user name is not sleazy and not a young stud


    VenusRedux2 replies on 12/8/2017 2:59 pm:
    Definitely not a sleazy username, but I find I'm just not sure about it.

    (come on, you knew that was coming)

    rdy2try4 58F  
    3330 posts
    12/8/2017 8:17 am

      Quoting gensan50:
      this is Horny.net- most men are not into courting a woman just to get sex- my pictures are what I am wanting and I do get replys- and action taken- the beginning of your profile tells me- of course I will talk to who ever answers my profile- we can meet if they don't like what they see or my attitude ect we can both walk away- no big deal- why don't you tell us what would make men be attracted to your profile?
    I am so not trying to be mean.. but seriously?? MEN outnumber the women on here by some 500 to 1. We are flooded with men contacting us. We don't need to make them more attracted to anything. The problem is getting the men to READ the profiles!! Seriously, they contact us no matter what we write - out of state/in state, age preferences no older/younger than, married/not married, anything!!!! They assume we are all here for the 'same thing they are' and they talk to us in a way that men talk to men bragging and don't get why women don't want them.

    If we could find a way to get men to realize that women HAVE preferences even if we love sex and to read the profiles to find out and save time it would be a miracle. Before I get slammed for this, NOT ALL MEN DO THIS!! Unfortunately too many do and they assume we are on an online whorehouse and women do anyone anywhere for any reason. Guess what, they are here too and they should start looking into that gay man on man sex i.e. suck some other guy off or take it up their butts, when one of them contacts them the same as they expect us to do everything/everyone!! I bet that doesn't happen. rofl


    rdy2try4 58F  
    3330 posts
    12/8/2017 7:52 am

    Quoting VenusRedux2: When I was writing this, I was debating whether or not to get into the misogynistic aspect of it all.

    The same guys who will scream how respectful they are towards women are the same ones who exhibit this behavior. They're whipping out their dick (dick pic), asking us to suck it (persistently asking to meet 4 lines into the conversation), and when we don't the inevitable response is "YOU aren't giving me a chance, it is YOUR fault." Clear misdirected anger.


    This is so beyond true!! I am clear on my profile that I am not looking yet they contact me telling me I don't know what I am missing. LOL The guys flipping out dick pics and asking to persistently have it sucked - a big turn off as it is all about THEM. They watch too much porn and not that there are not women that love to give fellatio, but even those women don't go around sucking any and all dicks that appear to them. They become VERY abusive when they get told no.

    There is lots online for a thing called "Bye Felipe" on how abusive men are when they don't get instant sex from women online. The woman that wrote it on Buzzfeed had more than enough information in just 3 weeks of a profile online that she started this movement. Why men feel so entitled to have sex with anyone they choose and she has no say so and how dare she say no is outstanding.

    I am not against people having that NSA sex, that is their choice, but acting like a pig slamming out "wanna f*ck" emails with dick photos has never really worked. These men seem to enjoy bashing their heads into the wall and not change the approach because someone told them it works.


    rdy2try4 58F  
    3330 posts
    12/8/2017 7:44 am

    I have a list of blogs I usually share with the men that ask me for help with profiles and how the site works. I would LOVE to add this to my listings. I will put the list below this so you can see the list I send out. Please, let me know if I can add you to that list. I think you made some really great points. Many of the blogs do hit on the same things, but they are all said in different ways. My thinking is if we can get even one douche bag to wake up and see that talking guy talk to catch a woman doesn't work and this is how you do it It is work it.

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    VenusRedux2 replies on 12/8/2017 2:50 pm:
    Go ahead and run with it.

    Baltasar45 62M
    9207 posts
    12/8/2017 7:39 am

    Get your photo taken at a local event, post it in your blog, and impress a transperson enough to give it a polish.

    <- Profile photo courtesy of Bonding with coworkers


    VenusRedux2 replies on 12/8/2017 2:51 pm:
    Because transpeople have special forbidden knowledge?

    TicklePlease 56F  
    13851 posts
    12/8/2017 7:33 am

    "Just keep retaking the shot until it comes out right."

    What's humorous is that I don't now of a single woman who is satisfied with the first shot. For an average profile picture, I'd bet the average woman takes about a dozen. Maybe even twenty before one mostly meets her approval. Why is it that men shoot out the very first blurry thing that they manage to thumbfumble and wonder why their email inbox isn't groaning from the weight!?!

    I think the chance they have in mind is that you'll completely drop any standards you have because you're just oh so horny and they just "happened" to be next in line with "u r hott!"


    VenusRedux2 replies on 12/8/2017 2:53 pm:
    This is a great comment. However, I am stuck on the word "thumbfumble" ... what a great word! I'm going to find conversations just so I can use that.

    Thumbfumble ... still making me giggle when I read it

    (it really is a great comment though)

    VenusRedux2 49F
    557 posts
    12/8/2017 5:35 am

    If you’re begging for a "chance," yet don’t have in mind your username, pics, profile, opening line, and topic of conversation as being that chance … for crying out loud, what DO you have in mind? (not rhetorical)


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