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Publish or perish?
 
I'm not sure this is the publish they had in mind. Let's see if I have something to add.
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
Impotence?
Posted:Dec 2, 2016 6:21 pm
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2016 8:16 pm
4988 Views

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".
1 comment
Making men smarter...
Posted:Dec 1, 2016 4:42 am
Last Updated:Dec 1, 2016 9:00 pm
4599 Views

Why do men become smarter during sex? Because they are plugged into a genius.
1 comment
Men should be like...
Posted:Nov 29, 2016 4:45 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 6:23 am
4585 Views

Men should be like coffee: strong, hot and not letting you sleep for the whole night. However, most of them are like copy machines: suitable only for reproduction.
1 comment
What are the three words women hate to hear during sex?
Posted:Nov 28, 2016 4:37 am
Last Updated:Nov 28, 2016 9:31 pm
5380 Views

What are the three words women hate to hear during sex? "Honey, I'm home!"
4 Comments
Birthday Sex?
Posted:Nov 27, 2016 5:26 am
Last Updated:Nov 28, 2016 9:32 pm
4684 Views

CAUTION: WHINING AHEAD, BE ADVISED YOU MIGHT WISH TO SKIP THIS POST.

Perhaps I'm a pig, but is it too much to hope for sex on my birthday. My birthday was a couple of days ago rather than the date listed in my profile, maintaining plausible deniability rather than trying to sound younger.

I often imagine unwrapping clothing rather than gift paper. Or getting unzipped rather than a card. The truth is I have no idea how long it has been since I've had sex on my birthday. Plenty of years, perhaps double digits.

Ah, well. Another year older and still has horny as ever.

Prof
1 comment
Handsome dog
Posted:Nov 23, 2016 4:21 am
Last Updated:Nov 26, 2016 7:31 pm
4419 Views

Doggies just call it style.
2 Comments
Men are like Bluetooth...
Posted:Nov 22, 2016 4:32 am
Last Updated:Nov 23, 2016 1:25 pm
4517 Views

Men are like Bluetooth. When they're close they're connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.
1 comment
Does time fly when you're having sex...
Posted:Nov 21, 2016 5:03 am
Last Updated:Nov 23, 2016 4:03 am
4601 Views

"Does time fly when you're having sex or was it really just one minute?"

My one day off was too short also. Oops, inside words.

Prof
2 Comments
I may not be getting laid tonight but...
Posted:Nov 20, 2016 5:34 am
Last Updated:Nov 22, 2016 4:31 am
4908 Views

I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.

Ah, another whole day off, after 13 in a row at work. And of course I wake up at 5 and can't get back to sleep. The to do list includes a pot of coffee, laundry, fun cooking and the Packer game tonight.

Prof
1 comment
Doggy Style
Posted:Nov 12, 2016 5:52 am
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2016 5:16 pm
5276 Views

I've been a owner for well over a decade. I'm still fascinated by how they run down stairs. Imagine yourself on all fours and racing down a staircase full tilt, face first. I'd be hospitalized after the first try.

Oh?

Were you expecting something else?

Sorry about that.
4 Comments
One handed operation
Posted:Nov 7, 2016 4:42 am
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2016 5:57 pm
6002 Views

I've been working on my new phone over the weekend trying to get it to behave like my old phone. I've discovered a new feature on it to facilitate one handed operation. The feature condenses the active area of the screen a bit into one lower corner of the screen so that ones thumb can reach all of the touch points while that same hand is holding the phone.

Just what is Samsung encouraging us to do?
3 Comments
Twice in a row
Posted:Nov 6, 2016 5:04 am
Last Updated:Nov 6, 2016 6:29 pm
5905 Views

Today is another day off from work. Woohoo.

Though I did have to run in to work for 15 minutes yesterday due to a potential emergency that turned out to be nothing. Fortunately they caught me early in my martini.

Much of today will likely be spent trying to make my new phone behave like my old one. The one I'm giving up is close to five years old so I think I got my monies worth.

The afternoon is watching my Packers with friends. I've been needing this.

Prof

p.s. I'll try to be funny tomorrow.
0 Comments
Music to my ears
Posted:Nov 5, 2016 6:04 am
Last Updated:Nov 23, 2016 1:26 pm
5694 Views

I really need to hear some of these lines coming from an enticing woman.

#1 Hey, what’s your name? I need to know what I’ll be screaming tonight.

#2 Well, hey there! I sure don’t need a spoonful of sugar to swallow you.

#3 Are you a candle? Because I want to blow you.

#4 Nice shirt! What’s it made out of, boyfriend material?

#5 If I told you I worked for UPS, would you let me handle your package?

#6 Kiss me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your name Richard?

#7 Those are some nice pants! Mind if I test the zipper?

#8 You look like a really hard worker. I have an opening you can fill.

#9 You’re pretty cute. But do you know what would make your face look better? If I sat on it.

#10 Do you want to give me an Australian kiss? It’s like a French kiss, but down under.

#11 I’m not wearing any socks. And I have the underwear to match.

#12 Do you know what would look really good on you? Me.

#13 Are you David Beckham? Because I’d bend for you.

#14 I might be wasted tonight, but the condom in my purse doesn’t have to be.

#15 You’re the opposite of my homework in high school. *How?* I actually want to do you all night long.

#16 *Asks your name* They call me “The Truth,” because quite frankly, people just can’t handle me 😉

#17 If I would’ve known I’d be getting this wet tonight, I would’ve worn my bikini.

#18 Breathe if you want to have sex with me tonight.

#19 You’re definitely on my to-do list tonight.

#20 You look familiar. Have we had sex before? *No* Well, we should.

#21 Those pants look great on you. But they’d look even better on my floor.

#22 Want to make a porno? We don’t have to tape it.

#23 *What’s your name?* My name is _______, but you can call me tonight.

#24 You know what would look really good on you? *What?* Me.

#25 Screw me if I’m wrong, but haven’t we met before?

#26 Can I borrow a kiss? I swear I’ll give it back.

#27 I was feeling a little off today, but you managed to turn me on.

#28 Let’s play Titanic! When I say “iceberg,” you go down.

#29 Are you feeling a little down? I can help feel you up.

#30 You remind me of my pinky toe because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture imaginable.

#31 Hey! Do you want to do 68? *What?* You go down on me, and I owe you 1.

#32 Do you think it’s loud in here? *Yeah, it is!* Do you want to use my thighs as earmuffs?

#33 Roses are red. Violets are fine. I’ll be the 6, if you’ll be my 9.

#34 Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.

#35 We’re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You’re hot, and I want to be on top of you.

#36 Let’s play carpenter. First we’ll get hammered, and then you’ll nail me.

#37 Do you like whales? Because we could go hump back at my place.

#38 Is it hot in here or is it just you?

#39 I’m not much of a wine girl. I prefer moans 😉

#40 Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
2 Comments

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